So this week’s Indy cover article dissects the arbitrary, confusing, and toothless smoking ban in restaurants and bars. Arbitrary because cigar bars & country clubs get a free pass while hookaries don’t, confusing because “private club” doesn’t really mean what you think, and toothless because the law doesn’t provide a dedicated staff  and relies on anonymous complaints. What surprised me is that the once cloudiest bar in Raleigh hasn’t generated a single citizen complaint!

You wouldn’t believe how stoked non-smokers were about this switch. It was just so dead serious: “YES FINALLY those chain-smokers are gone! The ONLY gross thing about the Jackpot has been removed!” I don’t like leaving smelling like smoke & ass either, but come on, the callous attitude towards your fellow nicotine’d man was a little ridiculous. It’s an addiction! I mean, what’s next from you guys? “God, those cokeheads are so arrogant and rude!!!!”

Place the blame on cigarette COMPANIES, man! You remember those lovable dudes, the ones who had to be told by a fucking judge to stop marketing to children, or to put it in terms a Jackpot patron would understand, the ones using indie rock bands as shills to peddle their bullshit:

If you bothered to pick up an actual print copy of last month’s 40th Anniversary issue of Rolling Stone (instead of just perusing the ass-backwards ‘digital edition’ that Wenner Media tried to make such a big deal about), you probably flipped right to a 4-page pull-out section near the front of the book entitled the “Indie Rock Universe.” The fold-out poster – a bizarre illustration that lists dozens of Pitchfork-centric bands grouped around representations of various planets and animals – is nestled in between five pages of advertisements for “The Farm,” Camel Cigarettes’ indie band and label-focused promotion.

You can view the “Indie Rock Universe” section here. Grizzly Bear, Animal Collective, Will Oldham, Fucked Up, Xiu Xiu, they’re all there! (the last two bands sued over the “content,” and lost) But the ad was just one prong of Camel’s corporate strategy: they’re also real into sponsoring shows where they hand out packs of cigs for free, including at my beloved Russian Circles.

Frown face.

It’s a weird synergy, I’ll admit…fuming at the corporate mining of our culture while secretly hoping someone, anyone defies the smoking ban at JP. Maybe it’s borne of desperation: if today were five years ago, all my friends would be writing anti-Goldman zines; instead, I’m liable to see them shitfaced at our little vapid cultural mecca than anywhere else.

I also see Raleigh’s business leaders anointing us as the chosen ones and us just not doing a goddamn thing with that (unless the expectations are talking cash shit and adamantly denying we’re one of those h-words, in which case, we GOOD). Addicts violating a meaningless smoking ban might seem more like “defiance” than the actual definition, but what the hell, we have to start SOMEWHERE…

Look, you guys, things happen when we work together!

Photos via Goodnight Raleigh! & flickr