Raleigh: how stoked are you on the 4th annual North Carolina Conservative Leadership Conference? What do you mean you haven’t heard of it?! Man, check out this speaker list:

Now that, that looks like an all-star cast! So you can imagine my dismay when I clicked through to the confirmed speakers:

Hey! Look who’s missing: anyone important.

I’m worried. See, it’s weird, Sarah P. has the time now to post on Facebook but not to attend fundraisers in her own state. And now I hear that she has more than 1,000 speaking invites to sift through! There’s less than two weeks until the conference. I’m definitely worried. Doesn’t she know about the quality of psychos we have in Raleigh?

And let’s be honest, conservatives need her star-power. Just as my abortive “Mitt Romney Avoids Raleigh” headline wasn’t going to get the eyeballs, the type of dudes seen below aren’t going to be showing up and putting asses in the seats for Grover Norquist.

The clock is ticking.