Welcome to another edition of Republican Top Chef, where legislators compete to whip up the finest amuse-douche possible to drop on the American public. Backed by all the sous chef lobbyists money can buy, the “grand prize” is a hearty pat on the back and a few dollars ($1.7 million in Burr’s case) from our sweet, merciful corporate overlords. Everyone wins!

The last episode centered on Michelle Bachmann, who wowed the judges’ table with her “Super Bowl of Freedom,” encouraging ordinary illiterati to channel their impotent rage in the most American way possible: dumping trash through the halls of Congress. But time’s running out on this season. Who would shine during the high-stakes “Kill the Bill” challenge?

Protesters carried signs bearing messages such as “Congress is America’s #1 Enemy” and “Don’t Tread on Me.” Speakers included Republican senators Tom Coburn of Oklahoma, Jim DeMint of South Carolina, Richard Burr of North Carolina and Johnny Isakson of Georgia.

Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann, radio host Laura Ingraham and officials from conservative organizations also spoke against the Senate’s health care reform efforts.

Although Richard the Lion-Hearted appeared to be the most conservative (as in restrained, no pun intended) of the speakers, he still pissed me off the most, because as one of his constituents I’m real sick (pun intended) of his shit. Watch Richard as he can barely restrain his laughter while invoking, and then mocking, FDR:

At 2:38, brace yourself for apoplexy: “For Christmas, I also don’t believe they want this bill. I truly believe the American people would take a lump of coal before they take this health care bill.”

I wish there were a punchline. I guess I’m too busy recovering from the kick to the balls I received earlier this year to write one.