Dearest Bev,

I noticed your approval ratings are in the toilet again this week. 30%?! Look, I know this year unemployment claims spiked so fast the state website crashed and you inherited a $2 billion deficit, but Bev, I could get a higher approval percentage from a panel of my ex-girlfriends!

Bev, I’m here to help. As you may know, 14 states have legalized marijuana for medicinal purposes, and in fact our state legislature is considering it right now. Did you see the part about “estimated annual tax revenues of $60 million within four years of the bill’s passage”? I know, that’s NOTHING, a drop in the ocean. You need a bolder strategy than this. For possession of up to an ounce, you need to decriminalize marijuana — completely!

Insane? Bev, our last three presidents admitted to smoking ‘dro at some point. President Clinton is on record stating grown-ups should not be arrested for pot. In 2004, Obama hinted at this, and more recently appointed as drug czar a man who “knows the difference between cracking down on the illegal abuse of drugs and allowing the responsible use of marijuana.”

But you know as well as I that Obama can’t eat breakfast in the morning without a million feral right-wingers frothing at the mouth over his choice of “French” toast. The impetus needs to come from outside Washington. Bush played the cat-and-mouse game with DEA dispensary raids in California, but in the end he didn’t do shit. Take a chance! BE THAT IMPETUS, Bev!

Bev, did you know there’s a drug tax already on the books? Herein lies the powerful economic argument for legalizing and then regulating the hell out of marijuana. Pot is a booming industry and it’s high time for government to realize this and start taking its cut off the top. No one grumbles too loudly about paying a little extra for liquor. You’re in a unique situation, where N.C. will be so stoked on your pioneering that you can codify pretty much whatever regulation you want. Even applying the current drug tax rate ($3.50 a gram) means your boy would be kicking back almost $100 a month to the state. That’s from ONE stoner, Bev!

All kidding aside, the outrageously bleak economy leads desperate Americans to start growing. We certainly can’t rely on corporations for help, no matter what incentives the state throws at them. As one pundit put it, “The fact is people are so hard-pressed for money that they’re willing to risk their freedom for it.” And North Carolina has a LOT of poor counties, Bev. I came across this recent tale of N.C. cops seizing $22 million in pot. But the story was mislabeled: it was actually SOUTH Carolina’s Chester County where the plants were seized. The unemployment rate in Chester? 21.6 percent.

Our state unemployment has doubled in the past two years. There’s no money in growing tobacco anymore. Throw these people a bone!

Lastly, Bev, I want to shamelessly appeal to your image. Do you want to be known as Boss (T)weed Bev, the woman who finds a way to get things done, or just another pol who pisses everyone off trying to fix a back-breaking deficit?

Yours in cannabis,

RG